Structure

Years ago I was told I needed structure in my life. She was old this woman, and I was a contrast to the wrinkles time had given her. I had a lifetime of youth on my side, a hundred unplanned years that I wanted to live out the way I saw fit. I nodded, claiming that I heard what she had to say. But I continued to do whatever I wanted. I fought so hard to keep hold of this freedom!

Years forward I stand in the shadow of her words, reveling in the satisfaction of my freedoms intact. She’s long gone and I’ve loved the adventures I’ve ventured to find. I am happy in my choices, but feel a lingering sorrow in moments of dullness, in my disorganization, when my thoughts jumble because I don’t know what I’m to do next. When I’m driving in my car I feel that she’s right there with me still whispering these words for the taking: “My child, you need structure in your life.” I agree and yet still I fight the mere thought, in detestation of this concept called ‘”structure”.

I am frozen some days but wisdom tells me that the snow eventually melts with the seasons. I will grasp my many moments of clarity when I am inspired and continue marching to the beat of my own drum, even though on occasion her words might be right. My rebellious soul will always be free, even if one day structure does enrapture me.

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